KWOON - Threefold Lotus Martial Arts

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Letter to Mom

February 2nd, 2006

Yes. I don not even want to send you his last email. He is sooo hateful and contemptuous. His health is pretty bad, but as you know, he excels at worsening everything. He seems hell-bound for misery.

He blames me for things I wasn't even around for, he blames Canada, he blames nurses and doctors and hospitals and border officials and cops and so on..

He is so incredibly angry and so painfully insulting. I finally asked him, repeatedly because it takes him running out of breath to get a word in, "Aren't you tired of the pain, dad?", to that he responded with, "You know what I think about pain don't you".

Yes I remember that he believes that life is pain and that pain is life. Well, mother, he has achieved the nexus of his beliefs. Hector is a tornado of pain, a category 7 of pain that brings forth destruction all around itself. I expect one day he'll simply puff in a flash of flame and smoke.

I've done my duty. I have tried for years to locate him, then finally to communicate with him, but he has sent me away, asked that I do not talk to him and that i remove his email from my contact list. He has finally said exactly what he always wanted to say, to get lost and leave him alone. It was direct and full of insults. My response was that i would do as he asked and I wished him luck with his health.

So I say to you my mother, whatever idea of love that man has in him, it is not of his heart. No heart could withstand the putrid anger and festering malice of such a man. I am certain this man has never felt love, but may have sensed some polluted presence of love, which he chose to despise as the achievement of others never to be felt by him. I think that this is the spite and fury that fuels his anger and resentment of any who can demonstrate that they have experienced or known love. It is obvious to me now more than ever. Since I have dedicated my life to spiritual cause and the love of life, the level of his insults and attacks have grown much more vulgar and personal. I believe I stand for all the Hector truly despises.

Let me also say to you that this experience has made me even more appreciative of our relationship, imperfect though it might be, it is very valuable to me.

Thanks for the note.

Love and kisses.

This letter was written in response to several emails and communications between Reverend Sylvain and his father after 12 years of non-communication. Reverend Sylvain searched for four years to locate his estranged father only to find more confusion, hatred and fear from his father and his concubine. Though it appears from several letters that Reverend Sylvain did everything possible to disregard the constant insults and humiliation attempts of his father, Reverend Sylvain's maintaining of his own integrity in the face of the onslaughts was not acceptable to Hector, his father. In his sadness, Reverend wrote his mother who had divorced Hector twenty years earlier, but who obviously hoped for reconciliation of father and son. Her letter to Reverend Sylvain that inspired the text of this letter is included below.

Hi son,
I feel very sadden regarding your encounter with Hector. You know I cannot help feeling sorry for him. We are all a product of our experiences in life; it kind of moulds our perspective on events. He always, it seems, like to cling to the past. Do you think that there might be a chance that you could rescue this reconnect? I hope so.

But I also know that if you feel you have given it your all, comes a time that it will be impossible. I know that he love you but don't know how to express it without putting himself in the picture. This is sooo sad.

Please be assured that I know that you have done your very best and that life has to continue.

I have showed your book to Linda, she was very impress and next time she comes for longer than one day, she wants to read it. I bought a humidifier by Bionaire, hopefully it will help to humidify my bedroom and the result will help my sinuses. I feel so much better with at least 50% humidity.

Well hope that Renee is healing and I say "Hi",
Sending you much love,
Mom

BACKGROUND

After the emotional ending of the Reverend's efforts to reconnect with his father and his fathers ensuing rejection, the Reverend composed this note of explanation and support for his mother. At this point, Reverend Sylvain's father was 75 years old and his mother 72. It was a time when The Reverend was doubling his efforts to accomplish his filial responsibilities.